Sometimes in life, you know you’re ready for something. A transformation within, that finally wants to be shown. Just as a butterfly spreads its wings for the first time from its cocoon, the sensation is exhilarating, brand new, and you almost feel as if you’re on the edge of your mortality. I knew this day was going to come. There was something from my past that kept a big part of me hidden. I never knew that it was even this way. Although most of the real me had always been out, there was a special part of me that would never come out. She was there though, when I was little. She was the one who was always dancing, making crazy faces to the camera. Singing and entertaining the family, the crowd in front of her, feeling the joys and innocence of music and performance. One day, because of circumstances though, her voice stopped. She stopped. And for almost 20 years, she was hidden. Only in certain moments did she come out to play. Until today.
The day before today, was the last push to bring the resolve to myself to finally set her free. I knew the Universe was on my side, but it was very clever with me. It wanted to test me, to make sure that I really was ready for this moment. Yesterday morning began a series of ‘unfortunate’ events throughout the day that by the end of it, made me completely defeated yet at the same time, bubbling with a power within, signifying the warrior in me wanting to come out. I battled with a very tight time crunch due to technological failures where I just caught my train to work. And then within the same hour, battling with a system wide technological failure where the train shut down leaving us stalled and me late for work. And then on my way to my friends, on the subway, as I’m leaving the station, looking down to pick up my bag only to find it completely zipped open and rustled (luckily nothing was taken). And of course, battling the final element of air. The crazy, almost tornado like winds during the 5 minute walk to her condo, where I literally almost flew away. But I stood my ground. In the comfort of my friend’s place, half an hour later, relaxing into the evening, I realized that as much as my day was ‘unlucky’, it wasn’t actually unlucky because I survived it. Not only did I survive it, but I fought it. I told myself that this was the day that showed me I was finally ready to bring her out to be set free. That I was ready for some time now, and all I needed was a little ‘push’ from the Universe. So today, I sit here as the moment is still, the day after, recognizing the power of my reality. I think I am all here now. Actually, I know I am all here now. As much as I may not know what tomorrow may bring, or how she will navigate the journey I have been on, I am ready for her to take me to where I’m supposed to be.
). Leave it to me to have a random thought come into my head during playtime. It was during one of the campaigns, called Hard Rain, and I was walking through a sugar cane field while it was pouring, with bouts of zero visibility. It was becoming difficult finding my way around, but with my sheer determination, I continued trudging through the mud, the rain, and the zombies to find my way to the building we were supposed to go into. I thought to myself – if this was in real life, I would totally give up. Actually, I wouldn’t even be there, holding that gun in the first place. But of course with the beauty of suspension of reality, I continued to muse. The determination I felt walking through that sugar cane field penetrated deep into my soul – this is exactly the way I’d feel when I was in a situation I couldn’t control, and I’d think that all hope was lost, yet by forces beyond me (call it God, the Universe, Higher Self, the Divine Within), I somehow would be given the strength to push through and have faith that all was not in vain. Even though my days were so rainy, there was always a spark of light that would shine within me, protecting me as I walked through the dark. And here I was, as “Coach”, walking in the rain, in the dark, and I made it safe. How often are we grateful for not only making it, but for realizing that even despite ‘hard rain’ our souls have the strength to make it out to the other side? Think how many times you’ve sat somewhere, feeling so lost, feeling like things couldn’t get any worse, having NO hope that they would get any better. Now think about the fact that you’re right there listening to my words. See? We don’t often give ourselves credit enough, that we might actually be stronger than what we usually lead ourselves (or others) to believe. Whether we see it or not, we are fighters in our own rainstorms, and sometimes the mere fact of living another day proves it. 
